Leann
I got a letter from you today. You said hi, bring me money, my jacket, stamps. You know i was sucked in again to the bullshit. I really don't know why i keep letting it happen. I get so mad at myself. I called Christy to give her your address, only to find out you used your 1 and only call to call her. She said you tried to call me but i have caller id and you didn't. I call kellyn to give her your address only to find out bryan gave it to her. You wrote him first. whatever. You know that PJ is going to take Damon if you stay with Bryan yet Bryan is more important.
later jennifer
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
feb.25,09
Leann,
well you have been moved to the rehab now. I guess you are happy. I am to. Now i have a whole month that i don't have to talk to you. I realize that that sounds mean but it is really not. We need a break from each other. We need to learn how to live again.
I have been reading alot and have figured out that I think like an addict still. How crazy right, i have been clean for 18 years but i still have an addict thought process. I guess i am what is called a dry drunk. good luck leann You give it your best and so will i.
Jennifer
well you have been moved to the rehab now. I guess you are happy. I am to. Now i have a whole month that i don't have to talk to you. I realize that that sounds mean but it is really not. We need a break from each other. We need to learn how to live again.
I have been reading alot and have figured out that I think like an addict still. How crazy right, i have been clean for 18 years but i still have an addict thought process. I guess i am what is called a dry drunk. good luck leann You give it your best and so will i.
Jennifer
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
feb. 24,09
Leann,
You keep calling. Listen I can not make them move you. I can't not fix it for you. I am powerless over other people. You have to just deal. This is what happens when you put your self in these places. You bought the drugs and now you have lost all control over your life. The courts and your probation officer are now in control. There is nothing You, me, or anyone else can do about it now. I got you out of trouble once before remember. I have called in my favors and you shit on it. I can't help. sorry. I did get your pay check and i did pay two months on your storage. That is about all i can do for you now.
You keep calling. Listen I can not make them move you. I can't not fix it for you. I am powerless over other people. You have to just deal. This is what happens when you put your self in these places. You bought the drugs and now you have lost all control over your life. The courts and your probation officer are now in control. There is nothing You, me, or anyone else can do about it now. I got you out of trouble once before remember. I have called in my favors and you shit on it. I can't help. sorry. I did get your pay check and i did pay two months on your storage. That is about all i can do for you now.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Feb.21,09
Dear Leann,
Well you have called alot in the last couple of days. I did what you have asked me to do. I gave christie your drivers liscence so she could cash your last pay check. She did not give it to me like you said. She gave Kellyn $50 of it and said she was going to buy you cigs with the rest. Hey in case you have all forgot i have to pay your bills so i need to have all your money. I know that I have pissed them off. I don't care. If they want to run things let them. I am tired. I am getting sick of fucking with all this. Go away now. Go far far away.
Well you have called alot in the last couple of days. I did what you have asked me to do. I gave christie your drivers liscence so she could cash your last pay check. She did not give it to me like you said. She gave Kellyn $50 of it and said she was going to buy you cigs with the rest. Hey in case you have all forgot i have to pay your bills so i need to have all your money. I know that I have pissed them off. I don't care. If they want to run things let them. I am tired. I am getting sick of fucking with all this. Go away now. Go far far away.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
feb.18 09
Leann
Well I took your bag to the rehab center. It seemed like an ok place really. Of course I am not the one who will be locked up there. Then agian I didn't buy drugs and get arrested. See how that works. I get to do what I want to because I did not break the law. You have to be locked away for a long time because you did.
Did you know that I now have ulcers. Of course you didn't know that you never ask how I am. Well today's letter I will tell you how I am. I have ulcers. My stomach burns. I am pissed. That's right I am pissed off at you and me. I can not believe that You used me like you did and I let you. You still try it. I am not going to let you anymore. Maybe you will be pissed for awhile. Maybe our relationship will come to an end for now. Maybe that is what needs to happen. I am also hurt deeply. I don''t want to lose you but I can not deal with this stress anymore. It is your addiction, you have to deal with it. The stress is really killing me. You know what else i feel, guilt. I am trying to heal myself and grow as a person and I feel guilty about it. I guess those are feeling I have to figure out what to do with.
Good luck Leann, I hope they break you down and built you up so you can be that girl I knew along time ago.
Well I took your bag to the rehab center. It seemed like an ok place really. Of course I am not the one who will be locked up there. Then agian I didn't buy drugs and get arrested. See how that works. I get to do what I want to because I did not break the law. You have to be locked away for a long time because you did.
Did you know that I now have ulcers. Of course you didn't know that you never ask how I am. Well today's letter I will tell you how I am. I have ulcers. My stomach burns. I am pissed. That's right I am pissed off at you and me. I can not believe that You used me like you did and I let you. You still try it. I am not going to let you anymore. Maybe you will be pissed for awhile. Maybe our relationship will come to an end for now. Maybe that is what needs to happen. I am also hurt deeply. I don''t want to lose you but I can not deal with this stress anymore. It is your addiction, you have to deal with it. The stress is really killing me. You know what else i feel, guilt. I am trying to heal myself and grow as a person and I feel guilty about it. I guess those are feeling I have to figure out what to do with.
Good luck Leann, I hope they break you down and built you up so you can be that girl I knew along time ago.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Feb.17,09
Leann,
today i asked your daughter to get a duffel bag to Jerry's work so I could pack your stuff. You know i have to bring it to you tomorrow at rehab. She wouldn't do it. How selfish, how stupid. She is using your phone, I am paying the bill for that phone and she can't drive 2 miles down the road to get a bag for you.
You have called me 9 times today from jail. Do you not know that it cost me like 5 dollars everytime you call. That is why i didn't answer the phone. I knew what you wanted. You want me to fix it again. This time Leann, I can't. Even if i could I don't think I would. You need this. Even if you don't see it right now.
You kid had enough nerve to tell me that I needed to grow up. She said that I have done nothing but make her life harder than it is already. She really said this to me.
Deal is, I have done nothing but live my life according to you and her whim's. I have done anything and everything so that you and her didn't have to take responsibility for your actions. If your and her life is hard it is because of the choices you have made. You let her drop out of school. you let her do drugs. Meth Leann your daughter smoked Meth and you knew it and choose to ignore it. You let Zach lay up in your house with her and surprise she had a baby. And you, you keep choosing drugs. You knew what would happen and you choose to do it. I will not be made to feel guilty or hurt because of your choices. Not anymore.
I am finished fixing it for both of you. And if you choose to keep blaming me as much as it will hurt I will be finished with you. with love jk
today i asked your daughter to get a duffel bag to Jerry's work so I could pack your stuff. You know i have to bring it to you tomorrow at rehab. She wouldn't do it. How selfish, how stupid. She is using your phone, I am paying the bill for that phone and she can't drive 2 miles down the road to get a bag for you.
You have called me 9 times today from jail. Do you not know that it cost me like 5 dollars everytime you call. That is why i didn't answer the phone. I knew what you wanted. You want me to fix it again. This time Leann, I can't. Even if i could I don't think I would. You need this. Even if you don't see it right now.
You kid had enough nerve to tell me that I needed to grow up. She said that I have done nothing but make her life harder than it is already. She really said this to me.
Deal is, I have done nothing but live my life according to you and her whim's. I have done anything and everything so that you and her didn't have to take responsibility for your actions. If your and her life is hard it is because of the choices you have made. You let her drop out of school. you let her do drugs. Meth Leann your daughter smoked Meth and you knew it and choose to ignore it. You let Zach lay up in your house with her and surprise she had a baby. And you, you keep choosing drugs. You knew what would happen and you choose to do it. I will not be made to feel guilty or hurt because of your choices. Not anymore.
I am finished fixing it for both of you. And if you choose to keep blaming me as much as it will hurt I will be finished with you. with love jk
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Feb.16,09
Leann,
When I started to write these letters I was going to give them to you. I have changed my mind. They would hurt you and that is not my goal. My goal is to heal. I will still write to you but yo will never read them.
I have used misty as a sounding board and now she is stressed out. So to save her hurt I'll write my thoughts instead.
I really feel like now is the time to let go. I won't tell you that yet.I'll wait until you are stronger, until I am too. Until God says it is time.
When I started to write these letters I was going to give them to you. I have changed my mind. They would hurt you and that is not my goal. My goal is to heal. I will still write to you but yo will never read them.
I have used misty as a sounding board and now she is stressed out. So to save her hurt I'll write my thoughts instead.
I really feel like now is the time to let go. I won't tell you that yet.I'll wait until you are stronger, until I am too. Until God says it is time.
Monday, February 16, 2009
feb. 15,09
LeAnn,
Oh my God, I just realized what a dumb ass i am. I felt responsible for the entire world and refused to take responsibility for my life. I gave until I felt angry, exhausted,and emptied. I have obsessed with you. I feel rage, bitterness, fear,hatred,depression, helplessness, despair and mostly guilt. I blamed you.
I have shared the same awful story with you. So has Scott. We were all there. We all know. We have dealt with it different. Somewhere along the line i left myself. I am going back to get me now. It is time. I am giving you back your problems and I am taking control of my. You have to heal and so have I. Good Luck. I will keep you updated on my search for myself. I love you Leann. I want for you to heal and have the life you deserve.
Oh my God, I just realized what a dumb ass i am. I felt responsible for the entire world and refused to take responsibility for my life. I gave until I felt angry, exhausted,and emptied. I have obsessed with you. I feel rage, bitterness, fear,hatred,depression, helplessness, despair and mostly guilt. I blamed you.
I have shared the same awful story with you. So has Scott. We were all there. We all know. We have dealt with it different. Somewhere along the line i left myself. I am going back to get me now. It is time. I am giving you back your problems and I am taking control of my. You have to heal and so have I. Good Luck. I will keep you updated on my search for myself. I love you Leann. I want for you to heal and have the life you deserve.
Feb. 14,09
LeAnn,
Happy Valentine's day. Well I called Bryan and let him know what I think. To be honest, I only did it to make myself feel better.
Do you realize you didn't tell Scott bye.You never even told him you were going to rehab.
FYI I saw what you took from your pocket in the car on the way to jail.. I am telling you this so you know you didn't get one over own me. I am not stupid. I know there is way more than you let on.
You need to look at yourself while you are there and be honest. Your addiction has hurt more people than you realize. I hurt far more than you realize. We all are. Scott, Misty,Madison, Mallory, me, Jerry, Trenton, Lilly,Emily, Kellyn, Kayson, and Damon. You have been pissed that it was all happening to you. You said it wasn't fair. Every time I wanted to yell, You did this.It is all You.I hope you realize that now. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. It is happening because of the choices you have made.
Yes you were abused. We all were in different ways. I am not saying Get over it. I am saying do the work so you can heal.. Don''t mask it, feel it and deal with it. You have people who need you. It is not all you anymore.
Happy Valentine's day. Well I called Bryan and let him know what I think. To be honest, I only did it to make myself feel better.
Do you realize you didn't tell Scott bye.You never even told him you were going to rehab.
FYI I saw what you took from your pocket in the car on the way to jail.. I am telling you this so you know you didn't get one over own me. I am not stupid. I know there is way more than you let on.
You need to look at yourself while you are there and be honest. Your addiction has hurt more people than you realize. I hurt far more than you realize. We all are. Scott, Misty,Madison, Mallory, me, Jerry, Trenton, Lilly,Emily, Kellyn, Kayson, and Damon. You have been pissed that it was all happening to you. You said it wasn't fair. Every time I wanted to yell, You did this.It is all You.I hope you realize that now. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. It is happening because of the choices you have made.
Yes you were abused. We all were in different ways. I am not saying Get over it. I am saying do the work so you can heal.. Don''t mask it, feel it and deal with it. You have people who need you. It is not all you anymore.
feb. 12,09
LeAnn,
well I took you to jail today. When I got back home i cleaned out your truck. While i was doing this i found the papers from Bryan's ER visit. Wow he must of had a hell of a headache.
Well after that i looked in your wallet for your ID. Remember you said Christie needed it. You left something in there or should i say Half of something,Please don't insult me and say it has been there awhile. I know better. I get that you are an addict. Your head is messed up. Maybe this will work for you. Maybe you want to get better. I just don't know.
I need to tell you how I feel.I have tried before but you couldn't hear me. I need to let you know how I have been affected.
I let you live with me and you didn't help me at all. Wednesday you feed Bryan, kellyn and Zach. you didn't buy food for here ever. And before you left you bought Kellyn food. I did all the cleaning.cooking, laundry, all of it. You should have helped me.
For a really long time now my life has been all about you and your addiction. Momma was always so busy fixing you, she had no time for me or Scott. We suffered. Later in life I had to help fix you for her. I suffered,When she died I became her. I suffered, my kids suffered, and my husband suffered.
It has taken my a long time to get to this point but i know now that you have to fix yourself. All i have done is stand in God's way. I am stepping back and letting Him step up.
I understand that i have had my own issues, still do really. I just focused on you so I wouldn't have to work on me.
Our relationship has to change. We need to detach for each other. We need limits.
well I took you to jail today. When I got back home i cleaned out your truck. While i was doing this i found the papers from Bryan's ER visit. Wow he must of had a hell of a headache.
Well after that i looked in your wallet for your ID. Remember you said Christie needed it. You left something in there or should i say Half of something,Please don't insult me and say it has been there awhile. I know better. I get that you are an addict. Your head is messed up. Maybe this will work for you. Maybe you want to get better. I just don't know.
I need to tell you how I feel.I have tried before but you couldn't hear me. I need to let you know how I have been affected.
I let you live with me and you didn't help me at all. Wednesday you feed Bryan, kellyn and Zach. you didn't buy food for here ever. And before you left you bought Kellyn food. I did all the cleaning.cooking, laundry, all of it. You should have helped me.
For a really long time now my life has been all about you and your addiction. Momma was always so busy fixing you, she had no time for me or Scott. We suffered. Later in life I had to help fix you for her. I suffered,When she died I became her. I suffered, my kids suffered, and my husband suffered.
It has taken my a long time to get to this point but i know now that you have to fix yourself. All i have done is stand in God's way. I am stepping back and letting Him step up.
I understand that i have had my own issues, still do really. I just focused on you so I wouldn't have to work on me.
Our relationship has to change. We need to detach for each other. We need limits.
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